It's a historic moment for HIV activism, and an opportunity to defeat stigma of those living with the virus once and for all.
These men have been good to me. We waged war against a plague. That, and people have been taught by right-wing scaremongering and the public politics of AIDS that HIV is something to fear and alleged breakthroughs should be distrusted. Other problems are at play that keep this information from being shouted from the rooftops. Sex education for youth is inadequate in the United States, and info specific to young queer people is nonexistent in most high schools.
Religious fervor and sex-phobia is still killing us. But we know you might not do that. But then I became positive, and suddenly all "Dating a guy who is hiv positive" terms became significant to me — my life depended on them.
Dating people different from you makes you better — in all cases. Date someone who will help you grow.
That cute dude on your hookup app sending you woofs and hole pics is poz. Why automatically refuse so many awesome, adorable guys in your world? This hardly needs to be said, but all this science and data, all this anti-stigma campaigning, is not a cleverly-disguised attempt to infect others or spread HIV.
Some people still believe this. Stop believing in this lie. Most of us got HIV doing the same thing you did last weekend — bar-hopping, feeling good, going home with the stud in a muscle shirt, and fucking all night. I do bloodwork every three months. When I do, I do a full-range test for a list of sexually transmitted infections. Most poz guys I know do this. HIV forces you to do this, and in the process we often find kinks we never knew we had, fantasies we never knew we wanted fulfilled.
For a period, I was transmittable. For the months before I started my medication, I could infect my partners. The doctors demanded I do many things: They told me to use condoms no matter what.
The responsibility came upon me to make these choices. I had to have Dating a guy who is hiv positive talk before sex. It was hard, but I got better at it.
Those early months without meds were filled with refusal, cruelty, and hurt. Sex becomes something you can play with. We automatically bring something to the sheets that our partners have to reckon with, so if you have a bizarre fetish or fantasy you want to try, bring it on. HIV care is filled with communication tasks like this — dialogues between doctor and patient, patient and pharmacist. Are you a mountain climber?
We can do that. We can do that too. There are incredible athletes and gym rats with HIV. A recent survey showed that the average person has 7.
Gay men are masters of sex — quick and casual, passionate and intense, friendly and fraternal. It only takes one sex experience to get HIV — one slip-up, one wild night. Because the process of getting treatment taking care of yourself after learning your status is a crash course in current healthcare.
TasP is a triumph of medical science helping those living with the virus. PrEP is a triumph of medical science preventing its spread to those who are negative.
Truvada is currently the only drug approved for PrEP, although other drugs are being tested for it. It is a once-daily pill that prevents HIV transmission, regardless if your poz sex partner is detectable or undetectable, regardless of condom use, regardless of gender.
PrEP has changed the dating game. There are many gay men who are aware of their HIV-positive status and are not on medication. This past weekend in San Francisco, I met a gay man who is homeless and addicted to hard drugs.
He survives through paid hookups arranged on Grindr, needle exchange programs, and selling on the street. Guys like him contribute to the "Dating a guy who is hiv positive" of HIV, but to call them predatory, dangerous, and problematic is wrong and inadequate.
Some of the most vulnerable parts of our populace — addicts, homeless queer youth, sex workers — get demonized for HIV while they live in a culture that offers few ways for them to get help. For many, their goal is to simply survive, not infect others. Medication and prevention regimens like PrEP are the real ways we stop the spread.
It also ignores the many healthy HIV-positive folks on treatment who are actively working to save our own. The imagery we have of AIDS patients from the the height of the epidemic are scarred into our collective memory. We need to see and remember them, but we also need to acknowledge that today the appearance of HIV is different.
HIV affects the young and old and everyone in between. Queer youth have greater risk of HIV infection than their straight counterparts, particularly if they live in remote places and lack support.
They survived the "Dating a guy who is hiv positive" of the plague, then caught it on a wild night out. Queer men of color do have higher risk of HIV infection, but the virus does not discriminate — we do. The real discrimination happens in clinics and communities, school systems and gentrification, media and job markets — institutions that keep racism alive and keep queer people of color at greater risk. This was the first thing the doctor told me: Overnight, my long term health became something I had to take care of.
Take it from me: His kindness, his understanding, his gentleness, his ability to apologize, his willingness to talk — these are the things you need to look for. There are many things wrong with this argument.
There are many Dating a guy who is hiv positive tops in the world. I got fucked by one yesterday. Yes, sex changes for poz guys. If anything, it just makes us more open to new ways of enjoying it. He looks really cute. Then you see him in the gym. One more time for the folks in the back. You have nothing to fear!